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Friday, October 21

Match Making Intimacy and Love

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The Ultimate Aphrodisiac: Emotional Intimacy!
by: Steve Roberts

Sex... There, I've said it... There are two major hot buttons for couples that come to see me: sex and money (we'll get to money in another article).

People will not usually state it up front. It feels far too shameful to approach right off. But eventually I find that the sexual part of their life is ho-hum, less than satisfying, a subtle power game, or a hostile battlefield.

This is far from the lusty, passionate and even sweet experience of movies and advertisements. So, what's going on in the bedroom?

First, let me assure you that many couples have a sexual life that is very fine. If you're in that category then great! If not, then read on.

Most of us know that men and women have very different notions about sexuality. The stereotype is that men are just interested in bodies and women just want emotional closeness. And our culture encourages these stereotypes. However, there is also a lot of truth in them.

Men, I'm going to tell you something you'll probably not hear anywhere else. So, listen up. At age 18 the hormones in the body work just fine.We'll immediately get an erection if we look at a naked woman. But, by the time we reach middle age this natural biological function has really dimmed.

Except for the men with the highest of sex drives we all find that the pump has to be primed with: Emotional Intimacy. This means that we talk with our partner, look deep into her eyes, listen to what she's about and (yikes!) tell her about our deepest fears, failings, and desires to succeed.

Women have known this stuff all along. My wife has always had a saying, "Love me in the kitchen, if you expect me to love you in the bedroom."

She doesn't mean grope her in the kitchen. She means to partake of life with her, to know her deeply, and to make sure she gets this message all day long.

Women, it's a terribly frustrating experience to have your partner experience impotency. If you're secure and caring you want to help him so much, but the help is difficult to come up with. If you're insecure you might start to believe it is you're fault and you're just not woman enough to turn him on.

The real problem is usually a lack of priming the pump. And by that I mean real serious emotional intimacy. And usually, your partner doesn't have a clue to what this means. Usually we men learn about this stuff from you women.

So, where's the 1,2,3 easy answer? Sorry to disappoint you. There isn't one. I could lose readership over this, but you need to hear the truth.

Emotional intimacy requires a lasting commitment to entering the other's life in deeper and deeper ways. There are books and books written on this, but who follows the advice?

So, here is your assignment for later today: Tell your partner about a fear you've never mentioned. Make sure it is one that you don't want to bring up. Make sure it is a challenge to you. Regardless of the reaction, know that you've just taken a step of maturity that can ultimately be the step to a real turn on!

31 Comments:

Blogger Clyo said...

Sex has, on one hand, been glorified for its ability to lift one to transcendent and spiritual heights while, at the same time, sex has been impersonalized and ruined.

It has been taken down a path from the sacred and the special to the profane and boring when not willfully linked - by the media or advertisers - with violence, exploitation or obsession.

I am, therefore, glad to see this article posted on your site.

I was skeptical - and distrustful - of what I would find here, but this article hits the nail on the head.

People need love, intimacy and sex.

Sex is a good thing, not bad, and having sex is a human need.

The unfortunate thing is that sex has been perverted and converted into a commodity, as both a shill for every product under the sun and as pornography.

The result of making the sexual act a goal for its own sake, as opposed to being a means by which we become more - as opposed to less - spiritually connected to another person, is that porn addiction has become a huge industry and a real problem for marriages and families.

Another worldwide epidemic is the incidence of sexual slavery.

It is estimated that as many as 30 million women and children may be enslaved in a sex trade that spans the globe, including the United States and Canada.

Sexual exploitation - wrong use of sex - is a terrible problem and a pox upon us.

Linking sex to the sacred, to fun, love and real intimacy, is a necessity if we want to abolish rape and sexual exploitation.

Sex is a profound sharing. To treat it casually or as though it is a commodity abases us all.

To regain its sacred intent is to regain our connection with not just each other, but with God and has a powerful ability to heal our loneliness.

Thank you for the article.

For more about the many kinds of slavery that exist in the world today, see here.

Clyo
Prayerforce.Org

12:37 PM  
Blogger alice said...

I like this one, you got a point!

11:53 PM  
Blogger AnSa said...

Woaah.. very interesting, actually I'm not that good in english but I'll do my best...

All you said was true. In my relationships, I've noticed that every problems I had was resolved when we talked about our deepest fears... It helps about sex but not only about it. I like the party passion thing, at firt I though about some kind of 'Orgie Party' but with more passion.. Could be good you know?

10:41 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

You can mos def check out my blogs no problem.

8:07 AM  
Blogger wonderwoman said...

thankyou for visiting my blog and yes you are more than welcome to come and visit again and again. I would definetely appreciate any advice you can give as well. This is a story of my life and I hope everyone finds it interesting. Names have been changed for protection. So visit anytime.

9:49 AM  
Blogger HondaNHorses said...

You have a cute blog... I like what you have to say!
Sandra

10:21 AM  
Blogger wINtoTo N aLSo 4D...yEAh! said...

Sex....maybe over-rated by media/advertisers/movies and so on, but in fact ordinary people like you and I need love, intimacy and sex.
Frankly, I live for sex...having great sex and not just any sex can do.
Yeah...I understand where you are coming from. Keep it up.
Stay cool....stay healthy :)

10:28 AM  
Blogger Daisukimoto said...

Thanks for visiting my blog; feel free to come back anytime :D You've got a very interesting blog- I'll keep an eye on it!

12:45 PM  
Blogger ReesaRoni said...

Thanks for the visit. That makes you numero uno baby! By the way - I tried almost all those tips... that's my thang to do. ;)

6:44 PM  
Blogger suraya said...

If you're insecure you might start to believe it is you're fault and you're just not woman enough to turn him on.

i like those words.. what u wrote is true and most women cant see that actually.. thanks for d comments in my blog.. hope to see u there again..

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Blogger Lord William Waygood said...

I'm Sorry, so sorry.

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Blogger Denise B said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. Please come come back often.

Impotency can be caused by more than just not getting your needs met. It can also be caused by cancer, diabetes, lack of sleep, alcohol, stress and a host of other problems.

Two things I'd like to point out is that a woman needs to feel loved to have sex, and a man needs to have sex to feel loved -- facing your fears with the one you love is a great way to reach your most intimate moments.

DLee B.
DLee's Gifts

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